Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tonight, after 3 AM I was at my limit - the kids were still awake, baby was starting to wake up, and I was SO tired. Fairy started to complain about something, and I snapped, "Nice Mommy is gone!" when she started to repeat herself, I cut her off and repeated very angrily that "Nice Mommy" wasn't there anymore. Not a shining moment for mama. As I was sitting there, trying to get fussy baby to nurse to sleep, feeling tears of frustration and fatigue and resentment and remorse, I felt a little hand on my arm. I thought it was my toddler trying to get my to lie down so he could hold my hair, but then I realized it was Mermaid, reaching across him. She was stroking my arm gently, and I patted her hand. Then she said... so very tender and so very calm:"Mommy, you're only you. There's no other one. And you're nice. You're happy." (Happy being a state of being, a character trait, rather than necessarily an emotion, for my kids. The "good" character in a movie is "happy" in their lingo.) I was floored. Awed by how wise this little person can be. And how utterly compassionate. It felt holy.