I can't believe sometimes that how "good" they are is assessed by whether they eat food they don't like or go to bed before they're tired, or if they do any number of things they don't want to d, or don't do things they do want to do, without complaining. When I see such goodness and grace shining out of my children, I am just amazed at the yardstick that is used to judge children in most of society. And I thank God that I was shown another way of looking at things.
And in writing this I realize that I am judging myself using a similar yardstick... I'm a good mother/wife if I do XYZ without complaining. And the stress of that judgment hanging over me is 90% of what overwhelms me. Otherwise when I was tired I would simply get the rest I needed. If I needed some help, I'd ask for it, if I needed some space, I'd make sure I got it. I would certainly eat when I was hungry. And then my physical and emotional needs wouldn't grow to such a flashpoint that I end up exploding irrationally and disproportionately.
I need to have a new way of looking at myself too. One that is free of judgment. Accepting myself unconditionally... because until I do that I will keep slipping into judgment and conditionality with my husband and kids - since my fundamental paradigm hasn't shifted far enough.